2nd grader suspended from school for playing with a grenade—in his imagination

February 6th, 2013 No comments

A 7-year-old boy at a Loveland, Colorado elementary school was suspended yesterday for throwing an imaginary grenade. The boy didn’t actually have a mock weapon in his possession, nor did he physically throw anything at all as a grenade substitute. He simply pretended to throw a weapon as part of an imaginary game he was playing. You know—in his mind.

The suspension was issued because the boy violated one of the school’s “absolute” rules, which simply states: “no weapons (real or play)”. Clearly the school is taking a fair bit of liberty with the definition of a “play” weapon, ruling that this includes anything dangerous that kids might happen to think about.


No imaginary weapons, please

From the Mary Blair Elementary School website: a zero-tolerance policy on imaginary weapons.


This is only the most recent example of a ludicrous elementary school suspension made by officials that have completely lost their grasp on reality. In the wake of school shootings, common sense is increasingly being pushed out of America’s schools in favor of “security at absolutely any cost—even if the security isn’t real (never mind necessary)” policies.

Some other examples of elementary school suspensions in the name of safety, all occurring within the last several weeks:

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Welcome to the Deep South, where we celebrate bigotry and genocide on bumper stickers

February 4th, 2013 No comments

Today I invite you to gaze upon what is quite possibly the most idiotic “bumper sticker” in existence, courtesy of a reddit user that spotted it in Alabama (click to enlarge):

Alabama douchemobile - click to enlarge

Unfortunately this level of fantastically ignorant stupidity and intolerance is prevalent enough in this halfwit’s community that he is perfectly comfortable slapping this on his truck and driving around in it. Sadly, a quick Google search seems to confirm that there is no shortage of Americans that think exactly like this moron does.

Bayonets and battleships

October 23rd, 2012 No comments

Judging by social media commentary since yesterday evening’s presidential debate on foreign policy, Obama’s quote about the US military having fewer “horses and bayonets” today has become quite popular—especially among Romney supporters attempting to hold it up as an example of how clueless our president is.

In case you missed the debate last night, Romney criticized Obama on military spending cuts, pointing out that America’s navy is at its smallest size since 1916. Obama retorted: “Governor, we also have fewer horses and bayonets, because the nature of our military has changed.” Cue social media explosion as thousands of angry Romney supporters swarm Twitter and Facebook to point out that the military still trains with bayonets, and even utilizes horses from time to time.

Even GOP vice presidential nominee Paul Ryan had something to say on the subject. In an interview that aired this morning on CBS’s This Morning,  Ryan stated “To compare modern American battleships and Navy with bayonets, I just don’t understand that comparison”.

Paul Ryan, like much of the American public, does not understand how analogies work.

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Clueless woman calls Obama a communist; has no idea what “communist” means

October 12th, 2012 1 comment

An interesting video clip showcasing a good example of extreme voter ignorance & prejudice was taken at the VP debate yesterday:

(the action starts at the 30 second mark; you can click here to skip right to it)

This woman hates Obama so much that she is willing to literally scream “communist!” over and over in a crowded forum. When she finally does get called out, she is unable to explain what a communist is—or really, say anything intelligent whatsoever. All she can do is repeat “just study it out” in response to a reporter’s basic questions about her obvious penchant for parroting things she’s heard but obviously doesn’t understand. Oh, the irony.

Despite the fact that she is clearly a fantastically uninformed & prejudiced lunatic, it’s a good bet that she’ll be exercising her right to vote in November. Go go democracy!

Categories: Political Idiocy Tags: ,

America: where the fate of a big, yellow, costumed bird takes center stage in a presidential election

October 10th, 2012 No comments

Big BirdSince Mitt Romney declared that he would cut funding to PBS during last week’s presidential debate, whether or not taxpayers should continue to fund public educational TV programs like Sesame Street seems to have become one of the key issues surrounding the coming election. Facebook and Twitter are both abuzz with people bickering over the issue. Obama’s camp even released a (somewhat tongue-in-cheek) campaign ad dedicated to attacking Romney over his comments.

Whether you’re a fan of Sesame Street or not (and really, who isn’t?), anyone taking part in a debate over whether or not PBS should continue to receive public funding is probably an uninformed idiot. Romney should have been laughed off the stage for even mentioning Sesame Street last Wednesday—cutting funding to PBS is essentially the equivalent of the average American family holding a serious discussion over whether or not they should cut one cup of coffee out of their entire yearly budget in order to help them overcome hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt. It’s simply idiotic.

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Mitt Romney wants to know: why don’t the windows open on airliners?

September 25th, 2012 1 comment

Mitt Romney held a fundraiser in Beverly Hills this past weekend, where he briefly commented on his wife Ann’s recent scare on-board a plane that was forced to land after an electrical malfunction filled the cabin with smoke. Romney was upset about what he apparently considers a glaring safety oversight on current passenger planes, offering this tidbit in a short commentary about the incident:

“When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly, there’s no—and you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem.”

Windows that open on airliners? Who hasn’t wanted to pop theirs open while cruising at 600 mph and 35,000 feet for a bit of fresh (and delightfully invigorating, at about -50 degrees Celsius) air? It’s genius. No wait, it’s that other thing—what is it? Oh right, it’s abysmally fucking stupid.

This man is running for president.

Diamonds: you’ve been had, suckers

March 14th, 2012 1 comment

RingsAh, diamonds. The ultimate symbol of an eternal commitment between two people in love, right? In fact, here in America, this sentiment is so strong that a diamond ring is viewed as an absolutely essential component of a marriage engagement proposal by virtually everyone. And of course, the more expensive the diamond, the more impressive the display of love—there are even helpful guidelines in place to let men know the minimum acceptable amount to spend when shopping for an engagement ring (two months’ salary, guys).

But did you ever stop to think about how diamonds got elevated to this lofty status? Or why nearly every American couple chooses to express their commitment in exactly the same way (by spending several thousand dollars on a rock, of all things)?

The answer is that most Americans behave this way because they were told to. The genius marketing minds at N.W. Ayers & Son created the diamond market essentially out of thin air way back in the 1930s with an advertising campaign that taught us that diamonds = love, and Americans have been paying exorbitant prices for essentially worthless rocks ever since.

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